What does it mean when we call someone “powerful?” Sometimes it’s an observation of a physical attribute that they possess – perhaps when someone can lift a great deal of weight or has a powerful singing voice. Other times it’s when a person has political, economic, cultural or social status such that they can influence others. But the word “powerful” can also refer to an intangible feeling emanating from a person – an aura or presence that transcends physical or practical manifestation and that factors into something that feels more spiritual in nature.
I would describe musician, singer-songwriter, entrepreneur and philanthropist Linda Perry as “powerful” on all of these levels. Like many people, I first became aware of Perry as the singer-songwriter of the band 4 Non Blondes. Perry’s voice was certainly powerful as demonstrated in their hit song “What’s Up.” Later on, I learned how Perry’s power manifests in her influential songwriting. Perry has been the songwriter for many of the radio hits I enjoyed, including “Get The Party Started,” performed by Pink and “Beautiful” performed by Christina Aguilera, and her cultural influence has been enshrined by her induction into the Songwriters Hall Of Fame.
But it was an appearance with Courtney Love on Access Hollywood Live that really resonated with me as to how powerful Perry is. There was something about the quiet and calm connection Perry and Love had, and Perry’s presence while promoting an event in support of the Los Angeles LGBT Center that came across during the interview. She commanded the room without dimming the spotlight on Love. It felt like a spiritual power. And while I was watching, I became curious as to how someone could develop and cultivate that type of power. I was fortunate to have the opportunity to talk with Perry a few years ago and then again recently on the Hardcore Humanism Podcast about how she approaches her life and particularly how she connects with herself and others. And during these discussions, what became clear to me was that at the core of her power was a deep ability to connect with herself – particularly her darkness — that allowed her to have empathy for and connection to others.
For Perry, being “powerful” is not simply an esoteric platitude. It is something that she needed to survive. She points to early experiences like when she was hospitalized for kidney problems at birth and how she coped with an alcoholic and abusive father as factors that impacted her need for power to survive. “I’m a survivor … I just came into this world fighting. And I survived,” Perry told me. “And that’s what I decided very early on. That in order for me to survive, I was going to have to step into my power. And I’ve been that way pretty much my whole life.”
To be sure, being a survivor does not mean that Perry does not struggle with darkness. Perry described how she can descend into depression at times. But she has learned to connect with that darkness in order to understand rather than fear and avoid her experience. And by embracing that darkness, Perry allows herself to be vulnerable and connect with others. “Am I a ray of positivity? No – absolutely not. I have a very depressed, dark side,” she explained. “You have to be vulnerable to be open to expressing your dark side. I have to embrace it. I have to cuddle it, love it, kiss it and remind myself of what a big part of my story this is.”
But for Perry, connecting with herself and embracing her own darkness is not enough. She feels that she has to embrace and accept the darkness of others in order to connect with people. Perry feels that seeing people from the perspective of their pain and suffering is the basis of empathy that allows her to stay connected to people even when they are cruel or unkind to her. “I found myself … being able to understand people’s choices … If my mother did something wrong to me, I had to look past what she was doing to me. I had to look at what was being done to her … My father was an alcoholic … He was dealing with his own demons,” she explained. “I have a lot of empathy. And that empathy has allowed me to be very sane in a very crazy world and crazy business … You can threaten me. You could threaten to kill me today. And in a couple of days, I’ll reach out to you and ask if you’re okay. Like, that’s just how I walk in life. And I believe that’s how we are given power to ourselves.”
And this empathic process underlies how Perry works as a songwriter and producer with other artists. She focuses on working with artists to explore their own deeper emotions as a vehicle for fueling their creativity. “When I’m with artists – I work in a very therapeutic way, where I like to indulge in people’s darkness. I like to dig in there,” Perry described. “I like going in there and finding out what’s going on – because to me that’s where the beauty comes from. That’s where the real song, the real music shows up. It’s like when that person taps into the unknown.”
This method of being understanding of her own darkness and empathic towards other people creates a bond with her friends and colleagues. Perry feels fiercely protective of this process, her friends, and the artists with whom she works – including Love. This is how she explained the connection that I observed with Love during their televised interview. “She gets on an interview for TV and they sucker her in. And so I told Courtney, ‘I’m going to do these interviews with you. I’m not going to let them take advantage of you. I’m going to keep it controlled,” Perry recalled. “And that’s what I did. And I was really able to be of service. And that’s where right now my life is going.”
That empathy is a key to not only her own personal empowerment, but her style of leadership. During our second conversation, Perry was in the middle of organizing the Rock and Relief concert series to raise money for CORE (Community Organized Relief Effort), a non-profit organization dedicated to crisis response, including providing access to COVID vaccines and testing during the pandemic. She was explaining how she approached leading this type of endeavor. And at the center of her approach is that empathic connection – whereby she tries to understand not only her needs and motivations, but also the needs and motivations of others who work with her. “A great leader is somebody who gives people great responsibilities. And a great leader is someone who knows that they’re not great … to not only give power to yourself, but give power to others,” she described. “Giving people power means you have to let go of ego … Everybody wants to be the hero.”
This empathic process sounds empowering. And yet Perry is still very respectful of how easily she can fall into darkness. In fact, it is her passion to do good and to be of service to others that often leaves her vulnerable to that darkness. She explained the cycle of elation and frustration that she anticipated from the Rock and Relief event. I’m very, very passionate. … I just want it to be perfect. I have these high expectations. And that’s where it becomes mentally and emotionally challenging for me,” Perry explained. “Because tomorrow, when we start this, I know that I have a goal to reach its $1.5 million. That’s what they need to provide some more mobile units across America … And on Sunday, when everybody is telling me how amazing this was, I’m going to wake up on Sunday, beating myself up that I didn’t reach my goal … You know, it’s going to eat me up and it’s going to make me depressed.”
But when it comes to connecting to her own feelings, and having that empathic connection with others, Perry is willing to take the good with the bad. That is the core of her power. “I love my life. I love it … All the struggles, all the ups and downs,” she said. “And I’m really thankful that I haven’t given into my demons…
“I fight past it, and I keep going.”
Listen to the conversation on The Hardcore Humanism Podcast.
