One of the most painful and devastating emotions we can experience in our lives is emptiness. That feeling that we are hollow. There’s nothing to work with, grab onto, or build on. And if we feel empty, we often feel that we have no true sense of self, and no value. And so, when we are trying to build a satisfying and meaningful life, including achieving our dreams and making meaningful connections with others, it is incredibly difficult to do so if we feel that we are empty and without value. No matter what we do or what we accomplish, nothing feels like it sticks.
So, how can we understand and cope with emptiness? This was the topic of the conversation I had with Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee Ann Wilson of the legendary band Heart about her latest album Fierce Bliss. One of the ways that some of us wind up feeling empty is when we feel that who we are is being dictated to us by others. We are told what we are supposed to do, how we are supposed to dress, the values we should have, how we should think, what our interests and aspirations should be. We feel empty when these directives don’t feel right and we simply can’t connect to what is being presented to us. Sometimes we haven’t yet been able to explore and examine our own emotions, our own purpose and sense of who we are. So, we feel adrift and alone in the world – not connected to anyone around us and not even connected to ourselves.
Wilson’s song “Greed,” the first single off of Fierce Bliss, explores how there were times in her life when people who were close to her interpreted her art and career as signs of “greed.” In doing so, people attempted to invalidate her motivations or sense of self in favor of their own perceptions. Wilson refers to this resulting sense of emptiness as the “abyss.”
“This song is about the idea that sometimes you’ll put something forward that you think is really valuable and sacred, but it’s rejected as being worthless, or in this case, being simply greed. You want so much for yourself and it’s labeled greed,” Wilson told me. “This is about personal things. This isn’t about corporate greed, or, you know, a politician being greedy. This is about a very personal thing. It makes for the scary thing of balancing on the edge of the abyss, which is so terrifying…especially if it comes from really close in, somebody that you super trust. And for whatever reason, it’s like, ‘no, you’re wrong, this is not valuable. You’re completely off base, you’re being greedy.’ Yeah, that makes you feel like nothing.”
And because emptiness feels so painful and terrifying, we will often engage in unhealthy behaviors such as drugs, alcohol, or binge eating. We will try anything that might feel like we are either being filled up or numbed out to get away from that dreadful feeling of emptiness. But while these coping strategies work for a time, they often leave us feeling worse once the temporary effect wears off. So, we actually feel more empty, more disconnected from ourselves and others, and more in need of that substance to soothe the emptiness. Wilson commented on this and included organized religion as something she sees as designed to help people avoid the abyss. “And therein lies the reason for the constant existence of things like organized religion, and drug abuse, alcoholism,” Wilson explained. “Things that just give you — however they do it … a reason to get away from the sharp edge of that cold, hard, nihilist reality.”
Wilson has been open in the past about her struggles with addiction. But over time, she has chosen a different approach – by taking comfort not by avoiding the abyss, but looking directly at emptiness – no matter how terrifying it may be. Wilson explained how she receives inspiration from authors such as Anais Nin, who suggest that feelings of emptiness are a part of the human experience and are to be accepted and explored rather than avoided. “But some people take a lot of sustenance from the existentialist writers that go, ‘No, there really is nothing…,’” Wilson said. “Yeah, it’s terrifying … It just rocks us in this way that is so profound.”
Wilson talks about embracing emptiness to the extreme, such that it feels like we have no sense of self. But as she describes it, believing that there is no “self” doesn’t cause us to disappear or become less connected to the world, but rather allows us to more authentically explore who we are, and how we can connect with a larger sense of the world and universe. “If you look at it in a cold, hard sort of Zen way, your self is afraid. But the more scary thing, and real thing is that there is no self. So, you know, what is there?” she asked. “And I don’t mean to say that I don’t believe there’s something beyond the self, because obviously there is. There’s the whole of the universe, the whole the cosmos, just nature. If you look out in your backyard, you see the power that is beyond you. And if you realize that you’re a part of that, then it’s impossible to be in the abyss.”
By accepting that we are part of a greater world, we can then begin the process of self-discovery of who we are and who we want to be. We discussed the notion often posited by musicians or sculptors that one does not write a song or carve a sculpture, but rather discovers the work of art. “I totally buy into and agree with the whole discovery idea. Just like with a sculpture, there’s this huge piece of marble and you just take away the extra to reveal what the stone is telling you,” Wilson described. “And that’s how songs are written. To just throw everything down that you possibly have in there and then start removing it, bit by bit, until you see the gem.”
The process of making art from a place that is both “empty” and yet connected in with the world gives Wilson a better chance to develop art that connects with others. She explained how at different points in her life, music made her feel understood and connected. “I think at different points in my life, in my own development as a child into an adult, you go through things like puberty. You know, things like that that all of a sudden, you’re, ‘Hey, what am I? I’m feeling all these things so devoutly, like everything’s a big drama now.’” Wilson said. “And everything’s too sad or wildly happy. Those things have created a space for music to come in and equalize us, especially music and words that are universal, that you can really relate to like, ‘Hey he’s talking about me, you know. That’s me in this song’ … It’s seeing yourself in this constellation … You’re like one star out there among billions and billions. Yeah, the joining is necessary to keep us with these great big flawed brains from falling into the hole, the black hole.”
Embracing emptiness as a way of connecting with the world and developing a more authentic sense of self has allowed Wilson to embrace not only her imagination, but also accept the ways that she may be different from others. And in doing so she has been able to resist the pressures that others have put on her to define her sense of herself – her sense of reality. “I’ve always had a really difficult time accepting the idea that there is a single reality. When I was a kid, I even went, ‘What reality are they’re talking about?’ You know, there’s hundreds of them, and they’re all interconnected. And well, why is one more acceptable or more real than any other one?” she explained. “I’ve had lots of times when I just could not agree with what I was being told was the right way to be … When I think of what it was like in high school, for instance … I was like a little loner art student kid with who just hung out with the other loner, art student kids, and was not popular, was not a cheerleader or a straight A student or anything like that. Those were some of the times when I realized that, boy, I’m super different. And I just cannot fake it to be part of this reality.”
Listen to Dr. Mike’s conversation with Ann Wilson here.
Photo credit: Criss Cain
