Limbo can be defined as an uncertain time where we await a particular decision. The lack of a clear outcome leaves us in an “in between” state where we don’t necessarily know how to feel or what to do. We can experience limbo over things of varying degrees of importance in our lives that accordingly have differing degrees of emotional impact on us. The reason is two-fold. First, we are anticipating the possibility of a negative outcome, which naturally causes distress. And secondly, when in limbo, we often feel helpless and paralyzed – unsure of how to move forward and, therefore, unable to effect productive change.
For example, we may have offered up plans to someone for a given evening and are waiting for a reply. This puts us in limbo because we are holding off on making plans with someone else that night and anticipate the possibility of not having enjoyable plans for that evening. And if that period of time drags on, we may become anxious or even annoyed about being held in that state of uncertainty.
But there are other circumstances in which the emotional effects of being in limbo can be more severe, and in which the outcome of the limbo has serious, even dire consequences for our lives. This might include waiting to find out whether we will receive approval on a mortgage, a job-offer or a frightening medical diagnosis. This limbo period can feel unbearable as we consider the radically different courses our life could take.
As we await the results of the 2020 Presidential election, many people in the country certainly feel like they are in a desperate and frightening state of limbo. Not only are major issues such the pandemic, climate change, women’s rights and health care at stake, but also the very essence of whether our country’s election system can guarantee a democratically elected president every four years. This distress is exacerbated by the possibility that the results of the election will be contested, and we will not know the outcome of the election for days, weeks or even months. Worse, the peaceful transition of power that we all rely upon to move beyond the tumultuous election process has not been guaranteed in this election. People are experiencing extreme distress and are not necessarily sure how to cope with this moment in our history.
The concept of limbo and uncertainty has been brewing in my mind since interviewing Jello Biafra for The Hardcore Humanism Podcast. Biafra is perhaps best known as the frontman of one of the greatest punk rock bands of all time, Dead Kennedys. Biafra also launched an independent record label Alternative Tentacles that became a vehicle to develop underground punk rock culture. Like many in hardcore punk, Biafra employed a Do-It-Yourself (DIY) ethic to help hardcore punk develop from the ground up, with no support from labels, mainstream radio or magazines, or even traditional venues. The commitment, work ethic and devotion to the punk community occurred in the face of massive uncertainty. He is so revered for his efforts that a common question many punk rockers would ask themselves when faced with a particular issue is “What Would Jello Do?”
There are many people like Biafra who have faced this type of limbo in the form of uncertainty about their lives, careers, health and safety and managed to continue to cope and move forward. So, as we await the final outcome of the 2020 presidential election, how can we too move forward and cope effectively during this difficult time of limbo?
The first and most important thing we need to do is to validate that this is a difficult time indeed. If we try to avoid or suppress or negative feelings, we run the risk of worsening already intense negative emotion. There are serious issues at stake in this election. If we pretend otherwise, we challenge our basic connection to our reality and opportunity to cope effectively. If we are going to feel helpless and paralyzed from being in limbo, we stand a better chance of managing it by understanding and validating those feelings.
Second, we need to ground ourselves in our sense of purpose. Purpose has been shown to have many benefits, including living a longer life, increased workplace happiness and improved stress management. Part of the reason is that our purpose is not confined to a given moment. So, for example, we may feel in limbo about the election. But is that the only purpose we have? Do we have professional goals, fitness objectives or other things we’d like to accomplish that would move our other purposes forward? Or if we are particularly focused on politics, are there things that we can be doing now, like working for or donating to particular causes?
Even if we are able to engage in activities that further other aspects of our purpose, it can still be excruciating to await an outcome. We still may feel helpless because we can’t do anything about the election at this point. In this case, we need to practice active acceptance. To be clear, this is not to be confused with minimizing concerns, or heeding calls to “chill out.” That becomes suppression. No, this is actively acknowledging through prayer, meditation, creativity or conversation that there is something difficult and out of our control.
Further, while our natural tendency is to engage in comforting but unhealthy behaviors such as drinking, smoking, eating unhealthy foods or being sedentary, we must work to keep ourselves strong and well-rested during this tough time. This includes eating healthy foods, exercising, sleeping, avoiding substances, and seeking out social support to help us during this tough time. We may even want to employ distraction, whereby we focus on something enjoyable and healthy choices that take our mind off of the election. This could include books, movies, music etc. The limbo period may be out of our control, but the level of damage it does to us emotionally and physically can be managed.
Finally, it would be helpful for us to recognize that in reality, we are perpetually in limbo. To be sure, certain areas of uncertainty may bubble more to the surface at a given time. At this moment, the US election is a nation-wide event with both personal and worldwide ramifications being covered incessantly by all corners of the media so our worry and paralysis may be focused on the political realm. But many of us may be heading for medical issues, a job loss, loss of loved ones or other myriad forms of stress that we can’t foresee and aren’t focused on at this time. Being unaware of what lies ahead does not make us any safer or less in limbo. We unfortunately exist in a context where the only certainty is birth and death, while everything else is up for grabs.
And when we can accept the infinite uncertainties of life and focus on habitually grounding ourselves in pursuing our purpose at all times, our purpose will carry us through these more intensely difficult periods of limbo.
Photo credit: Element5 Digital on Unsplash
