“Without an end, there’s no place to begin”
From “Three Fountains” by August Burns Red
Who could blame us for losing our faith?
Our world is in turmoil. Over 100 million people have contracted Covid-19 and over 2 million people have died from the virus. Millions of people are out of work and/or are living in poverty. We are facing at times violent political strife. And we are only beginning to recognize the mental health toll that these stressors are having on us. It’s enough to lose hope and faith in everything and everyone.
Against the backdrop of this desperate time, I find myself looking to people who have endured incredible hardship and yet somehow are not only surviving, but also emerging with a sense of connection to something greater than themselves. And I found such a person in Jake Luhrs – vocalist of the Grammy-nominated heavy metal band August Burns Red and founder of The YourLife Gym. And after talking with Luhrs for The Hardcore Humanism Podcast, I found myself daring to be just a bit more open to maintaining my faith in the world.
At an early age, the foundations of Luhrs’ safety and security were severely challenged by his parents’ divorce, sexual assault by a schoolmate and living in sudden poverty. “I kind of lost out on my childhood … I ended up getting sexually assaulted in elementary school by another student. And there tended to be some other things like that along the way,” Luhrs told me. “When they got a divorce, it got real nasty. And my mom and my sister and I, we ended up in lower income housing … Living on food stamps in a pretty rough area.”
Luhrs felt disconnected from himself and the world around him. But eventually his sister bought him a CD player and introduced him to a range of music, including Nirvana, Beastie Boys, Green Day and Wu Tang Clan. Suddenly, he felt connected to something greater than himself. “I was feeling all these feelings inside and I felt very alone,” Luhrs recalled. “And then music was kind of like something that I could gravitate to, that I could sit with. And this was like my therapy … I kind of saw music as my savior.”
Soon Luhrs discovered hardcore and was particularly compelled by the deliberate breaking down of barriers between musician and audience. He recalled one interaction with Thomas Barnett of Strike Anywhere that gave Luhrs a taste of what would eventually become his life’s purpose. “So, I pull my sleeve up on my shirt. And I gave him a Sharpie. I was like, “Do you mind signing my arm?’ And he’s like, ‘Yeah, man.’ So, he signs my arm and then he gives me the Sharpie back. And I looked down to pick up, you know, to grab the Sharpie from him. And I look back up and he’s got his arm out and he’s like, ‘Now you sign my arm.’ And I was like whoa, like the exchange of authority – the exchange of respect and honor. He made me an equal to him. And no one had ever done that to me. No one had ever been like, ‘Hey, Man, you’re just as important. You’re just as strong, you’re just as powerful’… And so, I think that’s when I realized, like, I have to do this. I have to be this. … I want to do that for other people.”
Luhrs’ was skeptical of organized religion for the simple fact that he could not understand how any loving higher power would allow the traumas that befell him to occur. And when his band, She Walks In Beauty, broke up, Luhrs became depressed and suicidal. Losing this connection to his music created a spiritual crisis but it also made him determined to forge his own connection with God. “Music was my savior … This was supposed to be it for me. And now it was gone. And I just remember being really depressed, drinking a lot and having suicidal thoughts like this is just pointless,” Luhrs recalled. “So, I’m painting apartments as my job and I just went outside and I said… ‘Hey, God, I’m really gonna just give you my life if you want it…. I just got this overwhelming sense of relief and peace and like, a voice in my head saying, ‘You’re never going to be alone for the rest of your life.’”
In 2006, Luhrs joined August Burns Red and during that time he continued to act on his desire to help others, often visiting halfway houses and community centers to try and give support to people in need. And after one of their shows, Luhrs had a vision of building a community that would give people hope and resources as they are going through difficult times. Soon thereafter, acting on that vision, Luhrs founded his nonprofit, HeartSupport, which has helped thousands of people on their path to overcoming suicidal thoughts, depression and addiction among other struggles.
Unfortunately, in 2015 he found himself broke and feeling broken following his divorce. Once again, he turned to God and found strength to make changes in his life such as replacing drinking alcohol with working out. During this time, he had a conversation with a friend who inspired his mantra that symbolized physical and spiritual endurance – “More Weight.” Luhrs’ friend had compared Luhrs to Giles Corey who was persecuted during the Salem witch trials by having large boulders placed on his chest to coerce him to deny his faith in God. But instead of succumbing to the torture and denying God, he asked for more weight.
“My buddy said, ‘With all the stuff that you’ve gone through and everything you’ve experienced, you still for some reason, like you won’t completely walk away from God. You know, you get angry with God, you question God, but you don’t walk away from God … and I want you to know that you’re really, really strong,’” Luhrs explained. Encouraged by the words of his friend, he made t-shirts that had a big 45-pound weight lifting plate on it that said, ‘More Weight.’ And eventually, he started a t-shirt company called More Weight to spread the message that you can bear the weight of whatever you’re facing in your life.
As Luhrs considered ways of exploring his faith, he began taking courses at a Christian college. But as time went on, he felt that organized religion was too confining and that by devoting himself to a religion rather than Jesus and God directly, he would limit his ability to unconditionally love all people. “I do believe in Jesus. I do believe in God. And I have an authentic relationship with God,” he described. “And I believe that if I put myself in a box and I don’t understand unconditional love, grace and mercy, that what I’m going to end up doing is I’m going to close up myself for God to be able to work through me into other people’s lives and love them the way that he wants them to be loved.”
Continuing to look for new ways to express his faith and to help others, Luhrs recently opened The YourLife Gym. Consistent with the “More Weight” philosophy, Luhrs’ vision of a “mental health” gym has come to life and aims to improve both one’s mental and physical well-being. “This gym is a representation of my life. And where God has led me…,” he said. “I’m 35 years old and I have spent my whole life questioning why – what am I, what am I doing here? What’s my purpose? And now, I’m understanding that for me, my purpose is to enrich the soil of community so that the community may flourish. And their growth is my reward. That’s my purpose on Earth. It doesn’t have to do with fame. It doesn’t have to do with money. It doesn’t have to do with, ‘world’s success.’
“And that’s what I’m learning in my relationship with God.”
