Impostor Syndrome generally refers to the persistent feeling of doubt that our achievements are justified and a reflection of our skills, talents and efforts. Rather we feel that we are frauds and that our success is somehow not earned. Unfortunately, we are susceptible to impostor syndrome in any and all areas of our lives. The perceived sense that we are frauds can color our feelings about our work, romantic relationships, friendships and personal interests. And while impostor syndrome is not a mental illness per se, it can be associated with significant psychological distress. Rather than feeling good about what we’ve accomplished, we feel that we don’t deserve any sense of satisfaction or accomplishment. And we are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop – when we will be discovered as phonies and subject to scorn and shame.
Sounds fun, no? I have been thinking about impostor syndrome a great deal since talking with Grammy Award winning musician Paula Cole on The Hardcore Humanism Podcast about her new album American Quilt. During our conversation we discuss her struggle with impostor syndrome as an aspiring jazz artist. And what became clear to me in the conversation is that it was her impostor syndrome that brought her face-to-face with her creative aspirations and helped propel her forward as she pursued her authentic voice. Following the conversation, I concluded that we should not fear impostor syndrome. In fact, pushing ourselves as Cole did to the point where we are at risk of feeling like impostors is an important key to living a fulfilling life.
So, how do we understand and cope with impostor syndrome so that it becomes a constructive rather than destructive force in our lives? We must start by understanding why we have impostor syndrome. Impostor syndrome is a form of fear. We compare our external achievements to our internal feeling of ourselves. And if we do not think our internal evaluation matches up with our achievements, we are afraid of an unpleasant event in which we are “discovered” to be impostors. This is not radically different from having social anxiety in which we fear an embarrassing social event. Impostor syndrome is a warning system – we should beware.
This is all well and good – fears are not inherently maladaptive. In a healthy, functioning person, fear is our ally. We use it to perceive danger so that we can engage in an behavior to prevent it as we seek to survive and live our lives. The problem with impostor syndrome is an ongoing evaluation, to the point where it feels like it represents a deeper, more meaningful understanding of oneself. But that supposed understanding is not necessarily linked to a path of constructive behavior that can help assuage our feelings of being an impostor. The reason is that we can never definitively prove that we are not a “fraud,” or that our achievements are deserved. And even if we provide evidence that we are “for real,” it will be temporary. We are perpetually at risk for being seen as an impostor. By embracing this ongoing harsh and binary evaluation (e.g. impostor vs. genuine) we are unable to make the impostor syndrome go away. Thus, we descend into a helpless spiral of self-criticism and judgment.
So, let’s take the example of wanting to be a musician. If a person is convinced that they are an impostor, they can take that argument to an extreme that endures forever, with no definitive ending. When is a musician no longer an “impostor?” When they learn to play their first song? When they write their first song? When they earn enough money to quit their day job? When the sell a million records? When they win a Grammy? When they are the best musician in the world? We can keep upping the ante on what makes us “real.” And many of us would feel helpless and give up, recognizing that there’s nothing we can do to make our impostor syndrome go away.
But in order to embrace our impostor syndrome and make it work for us, we must create the exact opposite circumstance. Instead of being petrified with fear and helpless to act, we must help reduce our fear and increase our ability to take action. The primary way that we do this is by switching our focus from an uncontrollable outcome (i.e., “Am I an impostor?”) to a controllable process. And that process is by taking whatever area in which we are concerned about being an impostor, and turning it into a purpose.
So, let’s take the same scenario – we want to be a musician. We start by setting our purpose. We want to be a musician, and dedicating our life to our craft. That is one of our purposes in life. Further, our focus is not on our outcomes – but rather on the process of being a musician. We practice, write songs, perform – whatever being a musician means to us – for as long as that is one of our purposes in life.
This pivot accomplishes two things. First and foremost, it shifts control from something we don’t have control over (outcome) to something that we do have control over (our sense of purpose.) We can decide each day that being a musician matters to us. By definition, that cannot be fraudulent, as we are in control of setting our intention. That is all we need to not be an “impostor.” So, we have eliminated that looming fear. Second, we have committed to focusing on the process of working on our craft. In theory, our purpose is never really completed – it is something we dedicate ourselves to in perpetuity.
But we don’t eliminate completely our observation of our achievements in the world. We still notice if we write songs, sell records, pack stadiums and win Grammys. But this is not a sign of whether we are impostors or not. Rather it is simply an indication of whether we are on the right track. If being a musician means writing hit songs to us, then if we write a hit song it means that our process is working. But if not, it doesn’t mean we are a fraud, it means we simply need to refocus or realign our efforts to optimize the attainment of our goal.
And this is where we can really rock our “impostor syndrome.” Because in a purpose-driven model, we would actually want to pursue our purpose, dream big and achieve goals that push our lives to the limit. We want to attempt achievements that make us feel like we are frauds, because who could have ever imagined something so wonderful happening to us. This gives us the best of all worlds. Rather than being afraid of being impostors, being paralyzed with fear and viewing ourselves as unworthy of achievements, we can control our purpose, focus on the joy of the process, and take the wins as they come as evidence that our process is working. And as we get the satisfaction and fulfillment of a purpose-driven life, we can push ourselves to reach so high that we feel like impostors.
Photo credit: Dan Gold
