Many of us strive to live a “purpose-driven” life. We want to feel that we understand why we were put on this planet, and try to live our lives in ways that fulfill that purpose. If we do in fact lead a purpose-driven life, we can feel fulfilled and satisfied in knowing both who we are and what we need to do.
But one the most difficult aspects of pursuing a purpose-driven life is the uncertainty of whether we will succeed in achieving our goals. We may decide, for example, that our purpose in life is to have a successful business, be great parent, or become a professional baseball player. Achieving these objectives takes tremendous effort. But there are no assurances, even if we work hard, that we will achieve these goals. Hence, the key to a purpose-driven life is to enter into a paradox whereby we can be single-minded and driven to make our dreams come true and yet recognize that the journey is rewarding regardless of the actual outcome. And if we can commit to a purpose-driven life regardless of the outcome, we can find fulfilled in pursuing our purpose without fear of failure.
As a teenager in the early 1980’s, William Duvall – now a member of the legendary rock band Alice In Chains – found his purpose in hardcore punk rock. Hardcore punk had only just been born, with bands like Black Flag, Minor Threat and Bad Brains leading the way. And during its inception, Hardcore Punk was so extreme and raw that it existed in its own universe. No major labels, mainstream radio or media paid hardcore bands any attention and they generally couldn’t book shows at more traditional venues. They had to form their own labels, find their own venues, create their own fanzines and find interested alternative radio stations.
And during my discussion with Duvall for The Hardcore Humanism Podcast, he talked about the beginning of his music career as a founding member and guitarist for the hardcore punk band Neon Christ, where he helped build the Atlanta Hardcore Punk scene. And this is a perfect time to celebrate his achievement with Neon Christ, as the band is reissuing a deluxe release of the band’s material from 1984 to celebrate Record Store Day (June 12th). And what emerges from our conversation is the sheer determination Duvall had in forming Neon Christ regardless of whether it would succeed in any conventional sense, and the joy and fulfillment that he feels to this day from that experience.
Duvall moved from Washington DC, where bands like Minor Threat and Bad Brains had helped build a small but vital scene – to Georgia at a time where there was no hardcore punk there at all. “It was very much like, being an explorer, you know, with a machete having to chop your way through the tall grasses and the branches into uncharted territory and hope you didn’t get killed … There wasn’t any kind of scene here as far as hardcore,” Duvall told me. “So, moving here, as a kid of 14, I had this feeling of kind of dread … I’m moving away from Washington, DC and I had just started finding out about the amazing scene right there in my backyard. And now we got to uproot and go to this place where nothing is going on.”
But his isolation did not deter Duvall. He had a purpose — to express himself in his art. Duvall had loved the punk rock music of bands like The Ramones and Sex Pistols, but felt he needed something more intense to properly reflect what he felt inside. He found that intensity in Hardcore Punk. “Once I arrived here, there was this determination because it was do or die. It really was, like, if I don’t make something happen here, I’m not going to be able to exist here…,” Duvall recalled. “Punk rock galvanized this certain energy that I wasn’t getting anywhere else… But I heard something in my mind that was even more extreme. And once I came across Black Flag, I was like, That’s it. This is crazier. This is angrier. This is more extreme … I had to make the noise that reflected how I felt.”
Duvall’s first hardcore punk band was called Awareness Void of Chaos. And as a teenager, Duvall worked to get Awareness Void of Chaos two shows at the 688 Club in Atlanta including one show opening for Hardcore Punk legends Circle Jerks. This experience gave Duvall a taste of how he could express himself through hardcore and actually share it with the world. But now he wanted to double down on his determination to create hardcore punk music. Eventually, Duvall found band mates Randy DuTeau, Danny Lankford and Jimmy Demer – and Neon Christ was formed. “I wanted to do something more committed more extreme, just really full on full on more extreme musically, more extreme idealistically and more extreme in terms of the level of commitment,” Duvall said. “I wanted the kind of band that would practice every single day without fail, that just lived it … What I needed was commitment more than expertise or virtuosity.”
Soon Duvall felt that not only did he have a band whose intensity matched his own, but also that what was originally a barren wasteland for hardcore punk music was now developing a scene. Duvall suddenly had a community to support his purpose. “And then that’s when things really started sort of taking off, because the scene started growing … It may have actually been a blessing to move someplace where nothing was going on and have to make something out of nothing,” Duvall explained. “I was just so driven and so focused on making this sound, you know – and writing these songs and trying to drill down into what I was feeling, and then expressing that in the sound and so focused on trying to make Neon Christ the best band that we could be.”
Now Duvall had band mates who were as committed as he was to the music, the band, and the culture of hardcore punk. They started playing more shows, and soon began connecting with other hardcore bands across the country. One band in particular that played an important role in Neon Christ’s story was the Houston-based band Dirty Rotten Imbeciles (DRI). Duvall credits DRI vocalist Kurt Brecht with helping spread the word about Neon Christ’s demo tape in the national hardcore punk scene. More, Neon Christ band mate Jimmy Demer used Brecht’s contacts to book neon Christ’s East Coast tour.
“So, Jim got ahold of Kurt’s notebook, copied it by hand, and then started calling all the numbers… and they were like, ‘Oh, yeah, DRI vouched for you guys’ or whatever, you know, because you were just calling some other kid in his bedroom at his parents’ house a lot of the time. But he’s the one that puts on shows in like Norfolk, Virginia, or something, you know? So it was, it was so it was just so innocent.”
And before Duvall could even legally drive, he and Neon Christ went on tour. The band built a trailer to attach to Demer’s family station wagon and hit the road. “You’re sleeping on somebody’s floor or you’re sleeping in the station wagon … One time we had to sleep on a skate ramp outside and it started raining but I wouldn’t trade it for anything,” Duvall said. “We made it all the way up to like New York, New Jersey, and we kicked it man … and we made it back alive. And that was just the first six months of the band. You know what I mean? We were so energized from living on the road, playing multiple nights in a row in front of actual people. It may have been only 10 people a lot of time, but sometimes it was more… I’m just so grateful man. I couldn’t imagine a better way to come of age. It was just an amazing time.”
At the time, while Neon Christ had recorded several songs, the band had not yet released a full album. And Neon Christ received a huge honor when Dave Dictor of the band MDC and founder of the label R Radical Records included Neon Christ’s song “Ashes to Ashes” in the seminal compilation album called Peace, War. “To get the response that we got is really interesting to look back on because of how cool it was, in so many ways – how it really does reflect the best in human nature.”
And even as Duvall has moved on to play a different style of music, on a much bigger stage and with the more conventional trappings of success, he considers his dedication to his purpose during those early years as central to how he approaches his life to this day. “We were being driven by such a deep feeling of necessity…It was like, be the change you want to see…,” Duvall said. “In hindsight, again, it created the philosophical framework that I still live by.”
