Liam Wilson of The Dillinger Escape Plan is a searcher. Whether it’s playing bass, practicing yoga or living vegan — Wilson is looking for answers. And in doing so he’s discovered that the process of searching and questioning is as important as the answers themselves.
From an early age, Wilson remembers being curious about the world. Wilson told me: “I think I’ve always been drawn to that kind of spiritual hero quest. What is the purpose of all of this? What is my purpose in all this? I know I’m significant, and I know I’m also insignificant.”
Sense of purpose refers to the understanding of what makes one’s life significant and meaningful. Positive-psychology theorists have suggested that one of the keys to thriving is the ability to find a “meaningful” or “purposeful” life in which one uses his or her strengths in the service of something “greater” than oneself.
Mounting research demonstrates that people who have a sense of purpose appear to live longer and healthier lives. For example, one research study from Midlife the in United States (MIDUS) followed more than 6,000 people over the course of 14 years, with more than 500 dying during the course of the study, and found that those who died were less likely to have a sense of purpose. Another study that followed 900 older adults over seven years found that having a sense of purpose resulted in a lower risk for Alzheimer’s disease and cognitive decline.
For Wilson, however, his sense of purpose is not a static goal or issue; rather, it’s a process by which he is searching for truth by pursuing ideas or activities that engage him — that in some way he loves. “You can always move in two directions, love or fear, so if you are trying to move in the love direction, I think it boils down to being a truth seeker,” he said.
Wilson’s assessment of “love” vs. “fear” is consistent with a long-held perspective in psychological theory that compares “approach” with “avoidance.” Simply put, we have motivations to “approach” things that compel us and “avoid” what we fear. Researchers have suggested that focusing too heavily on avoiding experiences that we fear underlies many psychological disorders, such as anxiety.
Moreover, treatments that focus on tolerating our fears in order to move toward a desired outcome have been shown to be effective in managing emotional disorders. For example, cognitive-behavioral treatments of social phobia help an individual practice challenging fears of negative evaluation in social situations so that they may engage in the interactions necessary to develop strong social connections. Similarly, behavioral activation treatments for depression help individuals approach or engage in enjoyable and productive behaviors that may otherwise feel overwhelming in order to improve negative mood.
Wilson recounts a long history of pursuing various paths over the course of his life. “There was all this different stuff changing at the same time, and I felt like they all worked together to support each other. Being really into Buddhism and religion and theology; Had I lived in Tibet or someplace like Laos, I probably would have become a monk. But where I was coming from, I instead got into LSD or shrooms or things like that. That started really opening my threshold for all that kind of spiritual stuff.”
Wilson discussed his use of drugs over the course of his life and how this contributed to his spiritual goals. “Getting into smoking weed and doing acid…that is what did it. That is what was strong enough to impress me. Maybe church for some people does that or a near-death experience might do that for certain people, I don’t know. That was just the first time that I felt that connection to my place in the universe and how insignificant that makes me and also how beautiful and amazing that is, that I am unique and in this moment,” he said.
While evidence suggests the potential harm in the use of drugs such as marijuana or hallucinogens, the health field also continues to “search.” There is increasing interest in the use of marijuana to treat a range of health issues, particularly cancer and chronic-pain management. Further, there has become increased interest in the role of psychedelic or hallucinogenic drugs to manage mental health issues such as depression.
And early on, Wilson found music. At age 11, he went on an Outward Bound-type retreat in the woods for two weeks and one of the instructors that he idolized talked with him about music. He said: “I’d say I wanted to play the drums, and he said that the bands that we both liked also had great bass players, and I went home, and was like, I want to play bass. So, I started playing at 12 and kind of got obsessed with it.”
There is a long history of research demonstrating the benefits of playing music. Evidence suggests that music can improve cognitive development, reduce stress and improve mood. Also, music has been shown to have physical health benefits including pain reduction.
Wilson explained how music changed his life. “Once I started playing, that kind of gave me a certain confidence. Music is like a multivitamin. It just satisfies a lot of things. It helps me meet people. Which is really the reason why you start playing in the first place. And it’s to make that thing you cannot find. I’m trying to make this music. I want to make this record that I can’t find yet.”
For Wilson, music also helps him grapple with feelings of insignificance. “It depends on if I’m being micro or macro about it. I feel like I’ve lived dualistically in both worlds, and I think when I’m in Dillinger, I feel very significant because I know how important it is on a grand scale to certain fans of ours. And other times, I pull back and think about me with my daughter and how significant that is to me, but in the history of humans reproducing, it’s just insignificant,” he said.
It was through music that Wilson discovered other forms of spirituality, particularly veganism. “I started getting into local and underground music scenes which exposed me to a whole new community of fringe thinkers who showed me new ways of thinking, living and making art, and there I learned more about underground music. Then I came home… and I would see pamphlets at hardcore shows for veganism or Hare Krishnas. So I would read the Bhagavad-Gita, and I was peripherally interested in all that stuff, so again it was a kind of intersection of all these things that just vibrated with me at the time. I was just very open-minded kind of impressionable. Trying to find some moral purity — still enjoying things — not trying to be a monk or saint, but trying to be a good person.”
At the core of Wilson’s ability to engage in his search for purpose and spiritual connection is his ability to ask questions rather than accept “truths” that are handed to him. This notion is at the core of cognitive therapy. The concept of Socratic questioning to help identify more adaptive versus dysfunctional thinking is thought to help patients discover new patterns of thought and behavior that can improve well-being.
Wilson talked about how he employs this questioning approach using the debate over gay marriage as an example. If someone says they think gay marriage is not right, Wilson would ask, “Why do you believe that? What are you afraid of?” And if they say they don’t believe G-d wants gay marriage, he would ask, “What are you afraid of G-d thinking?” to break the beliefs down to fear and to show that the direction of love would be to “just let it be.”
Wilson has even questioned veganism. “I even questioned such deep-rooted lifestyle choices as my diet, which has been primarily vegan for almost half of my life. Whole Foods didn’t exist and I couldn’t find a cage-free egg, and there was no Happy Cow. There was nothing like that. Everything’s different, so I feel like I kind of have to adjust my politics a little bit. There’s the guilt — the not wanting to eat certain things — but I also think there’s a limit to it. And the idea that I’m not really sure if the whole world were vegan, we wouldn’t have our own set of problems. And these non-leather shoes that I’m buying and throw out twice as fast as leather shoes, are [they] really any better for the environment or [is their] production any less caustic to the whole system than getting a pair of leather shoes?”
“Maybe it’s too much psychedelic thought, but when you see all these plants slowed down in time-lapse photography, you’re like, ‘That’s just an animal in slow motion. How is what I’m eating — this broccoli — any less alive than some of this other stuff?’ And if I don’t want to eat factory-farmed food, why do I want to eat Tofurky that was made in a factory?”
Wilson realizes that if he keeps putting in effort, focusing on what he loves, and at the same time questioning his life and behavior, the rewards will eventually come. “If I’m true to this, it’s a collection basket, what I put into it, I get out of it in some way. The more I give, the more I get,” he explained. “I know that if I play the shit out of that bass and I write some really good songs on there, at least in the position that I’m in now, I can get that out there and do something with it.”
Research suggests that as time goes on, people who have a strong sense of purpose and, therefore, make social investments in work, relationships and community may develop personality traits that are associated with long-term health and well-being. For example, studies suggest that people who have social investments develop higher levels of conscientiousness. This conscientiousness appears to be associated with improved health behaviors and well-being, as well as increased longevity.
Ultimately, Wilson will continue looking at the big picture. “But I think success is a bigger thing. I think people look at how successful my band is, and they only see one part of the picture. I’m looking at how successful is my whole life. How happy am I?”
“It is a sense of divine purpose. Sometimes, I’m the horse, and sometimes I’m the carriage, but I feel like there is something to be strive for.”
