S2 E8: Nancy Wilson On Staying Connected After Losing A Loved One

Today on The Hardcore Humanism Podcast, we are talking with musician, vocalist and songwriter Nancy Wilson. Many of you know Nancy as a founding member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducted band Heart. Heart gave us such amazing songs as “Magic Man,” “Barracuda,” “Crazy On You,” “Never,” “Alone” and “These Dreams.” And now Nancy is coming out with her first solo album titled You And Me, which you can preorder now, and will be available May 7th.

The title track on the album, “You and Me,” is Nancy’s tribute to her late mother, Lois, who struggled with Alzheimer’s. During our conversation, Nancy recalled her family’s wartime experiences and drew similarities between this past year with the pandemic and life during a war. She spoke with great admiration and love for her mother. In one story, she shares how her mother took Nancy, at age 2, and her siblings, both 4 years old, on a ship to Taiwan where her father was stationed as a Marine. She described how the ship had no rails and this became a metaphor for Nancy in understanding the strength of her mother and the safety she always provided. One of the most difficult things about life is that at times it feels like there are no rails. And when we feel that vulnerability, we often turn to people we love to provide that comfort and security as they help us pursue our purpose in life.

A core principle of humanistic psychology is that to find fulfillment we must seek to self-actualize or become the best version of ourselves as we pursue our purpose. Albert Maslow hypothesized that in order to reach self-actualization, we must first satisfy our “love and belonging” needs. Ironically, as we build connections to gain that sense of love and belonging, we must also simultaneously risk losing them whether through breakup, distance or death. And one of the most important challenges we face in building the life that we want is coping with loss. Part of the reason why loss is such a challenge is that often the closer we are to someone and the more meaningful the relationship, the more painful it is to lose that person.

Many of us have experienced the significant impact that the loss of a loved one can have on our mental and physical health. In addition to the visceral and devastating sadness, this type of loss can potentially affect us in two additional ways. First, the loss may leave such a large void in our lives that we may struggle to continue to find purpose in life. And second, the fear of possibly losing someone again may prevent us from forming meaningful connections with others.

But in this album, Nancy shares with us how her relationship with her mother is still something that comforts her and drives her in her life, music and purpose. During our conversation, Nancy describes how she still feels her mother’s presence in her life. She talks about how a loved one’s energy never stops and is not gone, but rather continues like “ripples on the water.” And those ripples reverberate throughout time and our lives, still providing us that comfort in a life with no rails.

There is no way to do justice to how painful and earth shattering the loss of a loved one can be. And we can never tell people how to mourn or deal with loss. Everyone has their own process to deal with their own pain. But one of the most powerful things that can help us cope is to try as best we can to feel the energy and spirit of that person continuing to live on within us.