Many of us view the world in a simple dichotomy – we are either “tough” or we are “vulnerable.” Being “tough” implies that we are strong and can withstand the stressors and adversities of life. Therefore, we can move through our lives feeling safe and secure, knowing that we can handle whatever we face. In contrast, when we think of being “vulnerable,” we think of being more fragile – weak and less capable of handling the difficult times in our life. As a result, vulnerable people are thought to exist in a perpetual state of fear and dread, worried that we will be crushed by events that feel beyond our control.
This definition of “tough” and “vulnerable” suggests that toughness is strength, while vulnerability is weakness. The problem with this approach is that it inadvertently sets up a false dichotomy in which being tough and vulnerable are somehow incompatible. And in our quest to reject vulnerability and embrace toughness, we risk attempting to avoid, suppress or deny anything that may suggest we are anything other than tough. So as we cope with loss, trauma or mental health issues such as depression, anxiety or addiction, our goal of being tough may cause us to avoid rather than address important and difficult issues for fear of being “vulnerable.” This avoidance can often worsen emotions such as anxiety and depression, making it more rather than less difficult to understand our feelings and cope.
But Rick Allen and Lauren Monroe reject the notion that vulnerability is a weakness. Allen, visual artist and drummer for Rock and Roll Hall of Fame band Def Leppard, and Monroe, musician and spiritual healer, suggest that vulnerability is in fact what we need to be strong and cope with the most serious forms of stress and adversity. They have labeled this approach “aggressive vulnerability,” a concept that underlies their work with the Raven Drum Foundation, a non-profit organization that aims to help educate and empower communities in crisis through healing arts.
Allen’s path towards embracing aggressive vulnerability began in 1984 when he tragically lost his arm in a car accident. This devastating event occurred just as Def Leppard was at the height of their success and fame with albums such as High ‘n’ Dry (1981) and Pyromania (1983). Allen’s future was unclear, including whether he would ever be able to play music professionally again. He received a great deal of support from fans, his family and bandmates and his producer Mutt Lange (who had produced Def Leppard classic albums High ‘n’ Dry and Pyromania). And what was notable about that support was that it wasn’t a call for strength. Rather, it was allowing Allen to embrace vulnerability, and be open to taking the time he needed to heal and find himself. “I had that accident. And it totally devastated me … I didn’t particularly want to carry on. There was no reason to. I felt so self-conscious and just defeated at that particular moment in time,” Allen told me. “But I think somewhere in the mix, I really discovered the power of the human spirit. And that was the thing that really elevated me and gave me a reason to go on.”
Eventually, Allen’s friend Peter Hartley created a drum kit for Allen whereby he could use pedals to replicate the beats he would have created with his lost arm. At this point, Allen felt frightened about what the world held for him. “The world felt so huge. It was like I was so afraid to be out there. I felt so overwhelmed. We drove straight to Pete Hartley’s shop, where he had the drum kit set up with the pedals. And I think I must have played for about five minutes and I was completely exhausted,” Allen recalled. “But what I went away with was I was inspired, and I knew that I could actually do this again. And that was really the beginning … of what I do now.”
According to Monroe, what helped open Allen up to being hopeful was that he was being kind and compassionate towards himself through being vulnerable. Rather than judging himself as to whether he could immediately play drums as he had before the accident, he allowed himself to embrace his vulnerability and try playing anyway. “I think the ability to shift your consciousness and to be in a place of more empathy and compassion is where we need to go. And I think in a place of healing, the most difficult thing is to have that compassion towards yourself,” Monroe explained. “And to give yourself that time … what Rick says … reflecting back, that ability to have the space from his co-workers, have advocates around him to give them that space to really acknowledge himself where he was, and then encourage him, it’s really important for anyone on the healing journey.”
The power of being vulnerable as an artist, and not yoked by trying to replicate his past success, allowed Allen the freedom to explore who he was as a drummer in that moment, rather than who he was previously. And that approach became the foundation for Allen to re-emerge as the band’s drummer as they worked on what would eventually become the band’s biggest selling album of all time, Hysteria (1987). “It was just having that time to just explore all the fantastic things that I could do,” Allen said. “That weight lifted when I stopped comparing myself to how I used to be and when I stopped comparing myself to others, and I realized how unique it was for me to be playing drums the way that I was playing drums.”
According to Monroe, what Allen was doing during the Hysteria sessions was akin to mindfulness, whereby he was connecting to his body and mind through art. Monroe sees mindfulness as a valuable pathway to achieving vulnerability and uses this practice as part of her work with spiritual healing. She also sees creativity as a useful vehicle for facilitating a mindfulness practice. “I think the mindfulness approach is the biggest approach that I find success with, because we have to start being mindful of how we feel. And also, a gateway to healing is through the body. So, the mind body connection is a doorway … to lead people into a place to embrace what they’re feeling, to accept what they’re feeling, and then develop an awareness around their feelings and how it interacts with their body, and how they behave and the choices that they make,” Monroe described. “And then you bring art and music into the picture. And you’re giving them a way to delve into their subconscious mind, to be able to be creative with it, and also use it as an outlet to bring their feelings right in front of them to see and then share in a safe way.”
It is in part through her mindfulness practice and spiritual healing that Monroe feels that vulnerability is a strength. “This idea of vulnerability being weak is in our society — it’s in our culture. It’s really wrong. I don’t agree with that. And I feel like there’s a lot of people now coming to that place of seeing how the more vulnerable you are, in the healing journey, the more success you’re going to have. And getting to that place is like working a muscle and be able to get stronger at it,” Monroe explained. “But that vulnerability is a place that makes you a great artist, it makes you a great thinker, and makes you a great person in a relationship. And that can make you a great leader. So having that training is really important.”
It is that vulnerability that is at the core of Allen’s and Monroe’s work with the Raven Drum Foundation. One project they discuss is Project Resiliency, which focuses specifically on helping veterans, active-duty military and their families. Monroe notes that training soldiers about vulnerability can feel very different from the ethos of their military training. “Something we talk to them about is vulnerability, which is really interesting, because their whole training just does not. It doesn’t align itself with vulnerability,” Monroe said. “Even in a warrior mindset, which we have to be in sometimes when we’re healing, we have to be aggressively vulnerable … It’s a paradox, to be vulnerable but also to be active in vulnerability in guiding it … It’s in a place of mindfulness, where you’re directing all the time, you being in a place where you have this awareness. Like, we’re in a situation of conflict, we want to close, we want to armor. But instead, we’re aggressively vulnerable. We’re able to maintain this open space, and be in charge of our own protection, but still be open at the same time.”
Allen describes how he uses aggressive vulnerability in his own life – something he refers to as “healthy retreat.” “Sometimes I have to go into what I call healthy retreat … I may be spinning out and I can’t set myself … to be in the right place to create,” Allen explained. “So, I’ll go have a walk outside. I’ll go spend time with the dog … I’ll just take a break. And then when I gather myself … I can come back in and just be in the right place.”
Both Allen and Monroe hope that people reject the false dichotomy of being “tough” as compared to being “vulnerable, and embrace aggressive vulnerability as a true path to strength and healing. “Why is it so hard to be loved? And that’s what we crave the most,” Monroe said. “I think it’s a mission … at least for us. And I think our greatest joy is having seen other people feel loved.
“And when they do, we do.”
See Rick Allen’s art exhibits here. A portion of the proceeds from the sales go to benefit Project Resiliency.
