“People just soldier on
This is the goal and this is the kingdom”
From “The Kingdom” by Bush
“Judgment” has become something of a four-letter word in our society. Which is unfortunate, because in its most basic form, judgment is not an inherently bad thing. In fact, we can’t exist without judgment. We are constantly assessing and reassessing our thoughts, feelings and behaviors as well as how the world receives us so that we can survive, grow and thrive.
Unfortunately in this day and age, “judgment” often means “criticism.” And there may have been a time when criticism had some root in benevolent intent. As an example, people think of the stereotypical “tough love” interventions as harsh but coming from a good place. That benevolent intent feels like a distant memory, as it often seems difficult to do anything publicly without falling victim to critical attacks in the media or on the internet. This type of “trolling” has no grounding in caring or constructive dialogue. It’s a sucker punch designed to knock us out when we’re not looking.
And so, the helpful judgment that used to guide us in our life’s goals is totally disconnected from our sense of purpose. In the best case, we can somehow pull out constructive suggestions from otherwise critical feedback. Or perhaps we can simply ignore criticism as we work towards the life we want. But often we find ourselves focusing on criticism – whether because we are nursing our emotional wounds or lashing out at critical people. And this can be incredibly damaging as we find ourselves spending more and more time consumed with criticism and its consequences rather than the more fulfilling aspects of our own life.
Gavin Rossdale, founding member and singer-songwriter of Bush, has certainly taken his share of criticism over the years. From the moment Bush made a huge splash with it’s multi-platinum and multi-hit album Sixteen Stone, they have had critics take shots from all angles, questioning the band’s authenticity, musical style and whether Bush was too heavily influenced by other bands such as Nirvana. And yet, here Bush is 25 years later with their eighth studio album, The Kingdom, which just debuted at #1 of Billboard’s Hard Rock charts.
And Rossdale has explained that Bush’s new album The Kingdom is in part an ode to a more utopian society where we are more protected from negative judgment. And so when I was preparing to talk with Rossdale for The Hardcore Humanism Podcast, I was curious to hear more about how he understands and copes with judgment from others.
First and foremost, Rossdale grounds himself in asserting the importance of not losing sight of one’s life goals. “It’s just really a case of … manifesting your own destiny and just finding ways through, I think, to make this a much more pleasurable ride,” Rossdale told me. “We’re never going to be the Buddha. But the goal within that system is to find the best part of yourself.”
According to Rossdale, our culture of criticism can not only cause short-term emotional pain, but also can undermine us over the long haul by perpetuating unrealistic expectations of who we can be and what we can achieve. In this perfectionistic context we feel we can never truly achieve our goals. “We’ve been so manipulated into this whole thing, that our lives aren’t good enough. And, you know, advertising is based on that. Now, the internet is based on that … everyone’s yearning for this sort of, slightly out of reach concept,” Rossdale explained. “And it gives people this sort of sense of judgment, self-righteousness that I think is really good to eradicate – make everyone better and happier, you’ll feel like you’re living longer.”
And none of us are truly immune from being critical of others. Rossdale explains this struggle we need to resist the temptation to judge in the context of a “good wolf” and “bad wolf.” This “bad wolf” approach can harm us because we perpetuate a more critical social system around us. “You have a bad wolf and a good wolf in you, you know, and which, which wolf is stronger is the one you feed,” he said. “When people judge other people, it’s a really interesting thing to stop and reflect what you’re doing. And, of course, it’s impossible to maybe eradicate forever or completely out of your life. But certainly the irrational or the extreme judgment … ends up costing you.”
In contrast, Rossdale feels that it would be more adaptive if we approached our differences with people with kindness and empathy. “But if you look at the way of mindfulness and kindness towards people, and the idea that someone who you come across is maybe … coming to the context of something terrible in their life they’re trying to deal with, and we all have this sort of labyrinth of empathy and understanding of each other, and each other’s potential to be having the worst day imaginable,” Rossdale described. “So, let me not add to your worst day imaginable. So that escalates into a catastrophic day. And that’s what happens, you know, so this confluence of events and synchronicities, they create all this disease in the world.”
Rossdale reflected on how harmful it was when he found himself on the receiving end of more critical and less empathic behavior. In particular, Rossdale recalled the sting of being criticized by the very magazines that he himself had read as a kid and relied on for information about bands and music. “So, that was what was a bit annoying. That was like, ‘Well, I’m just a kid that read your fucking magazine. And I paid attention, you know, checked out the bands that I should and I shouldn’t. And helped me in the sort of my own education’” he recalled. “And so that was the only like, disconnect where I was, like, I felt like I was on their team.”
Based on these experiences, Rossdale feels that he has become more able to weather the stressful effects of criticism to stay focused on building his life. And with albums like The Kingdom he’s able to channel these realistically. He maintains a focus on his life and his purpose as he moves forward. “But it didn’t kill me. And that’s the point is that just adds to my whole artistic thing … Because we all live on this, this edge, right? We’re always on an edge of like, precipice of happiness, you know… And I find that roller coaster of life is just consistent with everyone,” Rossdale explained. “All I do is look for the joy. And when I don’t have the joy, I just hold on tight and I try to be conscious of things…. it’s a carousel and so you maintain your position. You maintain your focus, your integrity, your quality.
“And you sometimes have to toil through darkness.”
Photo Credit: Dove Shore
